Seven Months

13 months down and only seven to go. As of next month I officially start to freak out and stop eating an entire Costo size container of freaking Red Vines. I'm freaking out about my weight and my diet. Since I've stopped going to the personal trainer, things are right back where they started, maybe even worse. I honestly, have zero motivation. All day at work I'm telling myself, I can't wait to get home tonight because I'm going to hit the treadmill, or take the dog for a really long walk, but then I get home and plop down on the couch in my PJ's and get ready for Lost, or Grey's Anatomy or something. It makes me nervous, thinking about how much I ideally want to lose. I am sitting here typing this and literally sweating. My legs are shaking, my heart is pumping. I'm out of shape, and very very unhealthy.

I'm the kind of person who needs direct results and I need them now! I don't own a scale, thank God or I would probably be going crazy. When I diet I half ass it. Always have. When I exercise I half ass that as well. I've tried South Beach and Weight Watchers and my own regiment of trying to be vegan and only incorporating meat products a few times a week. I got the best results with Weight Watchers, but only stuck to it through a work program. Once the program ended, so did I, and again the motivation went directly through the window and to outer space never to be seen again.

Lately I've been reading Skinny Bitch. The authors tell it like it is, and I adore them. I want to pack my belongings and head to L.A. for a week for them to cuss me out about all the crap I'm doing to my body. I've got the red meat, I've got the beer, and the junk food. Oh Lordie I have the junk food.

I've been interested in going to a nutritionist for some time, to see if maybe he or she can help me for a good plan for eating and sticking to a very regimented diet. I found one that is covered by my insurance (God I love insurance).

I'm happy that this is a good, and very large (when I was typing large, I actually typed larD. Coinsidence? I think NOT) step in my life.