How many times can I say breast in one post?

Listen up y'all. Don't judge me for this. I'm not breastfeeding any longer. In fact, I stopped when Charlotte was about a month old.

I went into pregnancy with this whole "I'm going to be a crunchy granola Birkenstock-wearin momma" thing. Eehhhhh (Insert buzzer sounds here), wrong.  I took good care of myself during pregnancy and I still gained about 50 pounds. I took my prenatals everyday, stopped smoking the second I found out and only had an occasional small glass of wine.

I was hell bent on breastfeeding for ever. Until my daughter could actually say to me "Mother, please go fetch a bottle with cow's milk". Is my kid going to be British? Odd.

Anyhow, I went for a month and let me tell you that in that ONE month Charlotte maybe was on the boob five times. I partially blame the nurses at the hospital. They gave her a bottle of formula almost immediately after she was born and that was because she had low blood sugar. Not to mention that I had her at 1:40 PM and I didn't actually get to see her or hold her until around 5 PM. I could have tried breastfeeding had they brought her too me a little quicker. Jerkoffs. Whew... off my chest and done forever.

Charlotte was a bad latcher.  Thank god for my super heavy duty double electric breast pump.  Mike actually had to bring it to the hospital on day two because baby girl just couldn't get it.  The only thing that did seem to work was this little plastic shield thing I had to put over my nipple but it pinched every time she sucked and left me with little welts. So I pumped. Morning, noon and nights. And 3 am. And again at 5 am. And again at 7 am. You get the picture. I was oversupplied. You think this would be a good thing but it turned out to be extremely frustrating.  If I went more than 4 hours without pumping my boobs would be so engorged they could probably poke an eye out.

All I wanted to do was feed my baby and relieve myself at the same time, but I couldn't. I'd have to find a bottle, if I couldn't find a clean one I'd have to sterilize one. Then I'd have to get all of the many parts to the pump, plug it in and go at it. 

Call me lazy, call me a terrible mother for not sticking with it longer, but I did what was best for me. I gave it up so I could have some peace of mind that my daughter got breast milk exclusively for a month. I also gave it for sleep.  Glorious glorious hours of sleep.