Him.

I don't talk about my husband a lot here and just because I don't talk about him a lot on here doesn't mean that I don't like him at all or anything.

Actually just the opposite.  I like him just fine.  Actually I really love the guy. 

During the wedding planning process I sort of went crazy. It may or may not be coincidence that just 3 months after we got engaged and really started planning the wedding I started having panic attacks and severe anxiety and well I just went crazy.  I couldn't pick up the guest list or return an email to the florist without hyperventilating.

I understand that its supposed to be the happiest time of my (our) lives and the wedding day truly was the happiest day of my life, but getting to that point drove me insane.  It also drove a huge stake through my relationship with Mike.  Not that we ever got close to breaking off our engagement or ending our relationship, but we just didn't spend a whole lot of time together during that time. I don't think that he could stand my crazy and I can't blame him for that at all.  I was in a very bad place.  Why?  you ask.  Because I have that one gene when I need to please everyone all the time and put my own self and feeling on the back burner.

Our wedding day was perfect and beautiful and went off without a hitch. I have to thank my compulsion to never leave home without my hideous purple "wedding binder" and lack of sleep for that. 

After the wedding when we got back to our hotel I sat on the bed and I cried. I was exhausted, and kinda drunk but I cried because I knew it was over.  The plans, the phone calls, the arguments, the wedding, was over. A wave of relief washed over both of us and sent us into a dizzy spiral of crazy, just-met, newlywed, first kiss feeling splendor. For the first time in 20 months, I breathed.

Two weeks after that night is when I found out I was pregnant. You want a real high? Take part newlywed feeling and part ohmygod we're having a baby feeling, mix them together, put em in your pipe and smoke em.
I swear to you the next day the sun was shining brighter than it ever had before and I had little birds following me around all day chirping something that sounded vaguely like the Snow White theme song. 

Our relationship was never in foul territory by any means, but my year and a half long craziness binge put a little distance between us  I'm not saying that a baby saved our relationship and that's for sure not the reason we got pregnant in the first place.  Hell, we didn't even try to get pregnant, it just happened.

What I am saying is that it made us believe in love all over again, and it really made us believe in our love for each other.  Everyday we were amazed with something new, and even before we knew she was a she, just a teeny tiny bunch of cells we knew we loved her, we knew we were her parents and we knew that we could show her how much we love each other.

So maybe this wasn't all about Mike, but what else could I say?  The man takes care of me, listens to me, comforts me when I cry (which is at least once a day at this point in pregnancy) .  We made a baby and because of that I'm totally dreamy about him. It's the same type of feeling I got when I looked at the JTT poster that hung on my wall when I was in 6th grade and I'd kiss it every morning on my way out the door to school. 

Just look at that pout, the gelled hair, the black leather jacket.

source

Oh shut up, you know you did it too.