11.06.2014

Finding Grace: a spiritual journey in many parts

I've always felt like finding Jesus was like hide and seek, a really intricate game of it. In times of need I never felt reassured by the thought of God protecting me but I always felt assured through prayer. In silent times when I wasn't seeking God I felt something, I think. In small doses somehow I felt, I don't know, protected? Like I had something to fall back on, like I was using religion as a backup plan just in case.
Growing up somewhat heavily Catholic has little to do with what I seek out now, which is answers. Not to my prayers, but to believe there is something bigger out there than myself.  I believe modern culture has had a lot to do with my belief. The cool kids aren't religious and neither am I!  The movie stars and celebs and bloggers I like don't believe in God, I don't either and that was that. But I could never bring myself to say I wasn't a believer, even though I heavily rolled my eyes at the Christian do-gooders. The "Christ-like" acting very much the opposite. Especially the religious zealots screaming about abortion and gay marriage and the list freaking goes on and on.
So how,  in today's very scarily modern world does one express courage to dig deeper into the understanding of Christ? How does a 28 year old smoking, drinking, cursing, gay loving and pro choice female seek the answers to her questions, and what if I find the answers I seek are not what I want? I refuse to abandon my beliefs on any of the above I listed, but I also refuse to give up on seeking a deep spirituality,  one I can grow upon and use to make my life even better than it is.
This is step 1 of this journey to find my truth.

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